Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Memo He May Have Missed...

What is it about guys and them all having the most perfect timing? It's almost like they all virtually get together and collaboratively decide that this is the week they are going to haunt a specific girl from their past (relationship, acquaintance, crush, random drink buyer, whatever) and test the water to see how likely it is that she will want to get together sometime soon. Text messaging makes this stalkerish ritual most convenient. You know the texts...mystery number (or in my particular situation Doosh Bag, DB, Vegas Stalker, etc.) pops up with a message saying something like, "Hey! It's been forever. How are you? Still dating that guy?" Those messages make me laugh a little on the inside in a creepy, evil scientist sort of way. It's like, c'mon, have some tact. Class. Self respect? If you haven't heard from me in so long you need to ask those lame, haven't talked in a century, text-book/sketch-book questions I'm not interested. In fact--fun fact!!--I clearly haven't been interested in awhile. Like since the last time you didn't hear from me. Just saying. It's not rocket science. I mean, I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want my own leftovers...or never beforers...or thanks for the drinks--VIP--cover charge--ers. If I did, I wouldn't have waited THIS long to get in touch with or I would have started dating you and NOT my boyfriend. Right?
Take my Vegas stalker (yes, I really, truly have a guy in my phone called Vegas Stalker) for example. He got us into the hottest clubs, sitting at the hottest tables, drinking bottomless amounts of the most expensive alcohol and then when we were done my girlfriends and I snuck out the back door of a different club (that he got us into), with a different group of guys (who got us VIP at another club) and ran like little girls to our getaway car. He's still texting 2-years later! What part of thanks for the hook ups but no thanks on the dating did he miss?

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